How to make lunch for a 1 and 4 1/2 year old (in 37 easy steps)

1. Return home from grocery store
2. Let Neela wake sleeping Nora in car seat
3. Unbuckle both kids, lift them out of the car
4. Let the kids back into the car to play at their request
5. Bring groceries into house while kids pretend to go on long road trip without parents
   
6. Take glasses cleaner away from Nora
7. Finish unloading groceries
8. Insist that kids come out of car (insert whining and screeching here)
   
9. Turn off high-beams, fix ashtray, re-assemble arm rest
10. Swear I will never let kids play in car unsupervised again
11. Start putting groceries away
12. Ask Nora how she got her pants and shirt so wet (points to cup)
13. Ask Nora where she found the water (points to toilet)
14. Go upstairs to change Nora's clothes, find Neela changing her pants because "Nora got me all wet with her cup of water"
15. Change clothes for both kids, scrub hands thoroughly
16. Try to find something to stop Nora from screeching, settle for sink of water
    
17. Decide that Nora's wet shirt can be ignored since it's "clean" water
    
18. Open can of tuna
    
19. Nora realizes that she hasn't nursed all morning; stop lunch prep to nurse
20. Read insectopedia and discuss arthropods vs. insects at length with Neela
21. Send kids outside to play in an attempt to actually get lunch made
22. Prep tuna, heat up oven
23. Help Neela with stuck bike pedals
24. Convince Neela that I don't care if Nora is eating dirt
25. Put tuna melts in oven, start cutting fruit
26. Smell poop, take Nora upstairs for diaper change
27. Run back downstairs to crying
    
28. Get yelled at for being worst parent ever for not buying Neela knee and elbow pads for biking
    
29. Take Nora off counter
30. Cut fruit
31. Take Nora off other counter
32. Call upstairs to Neela that lunch will be ready soon
33. Find Nora eating strawberry greens out of compost
34. Pour drinks, wish for alcohol, mentally calculate both hours to naptime and to bedtime
35. Wash dirt and compost off Nora's face and hands
36. Hug Neela, get forgiven for kneepad fiasco and promise bike ride this afternoon
37. Serve and eat lunch